mεmorЇεs locked; forεvεr

2012-02-06T20:02:00.003+08:00

anger always catch us unprepared,
resulting in regrets
never take someone seriously
if she saying it in a fit of anger
for her head, would not have been functioning properly

who can really tell from right to wrong?
yes, some things are blatantly so
yet, many considerations render it less obvious
we cannot exactly pinpoint who's at fault
so i guess, its best to let it go

-xiuyun
home rifts
tomorrow, it will be fine.

2012-02-03T01:59:00.000+08:00

so basically, CNY was basically a good break from SG

and back to the routine, though unwilling,

my hopeful, happy disposition seems to have came back as well!

LOL

maybe, my destress pills are taken best when i read fiction books to my liking

my guess is this:

As books tells me the lives that other people lead, bringing me to someway faraway, for short periods of time, my minds are allowed to take short breaks

hence, my overall well-being is better, allowing my emotions to take an upturn

-xiuyun

SO CONCLUSION IS:

read books people! (:

2012-02-03T01:55:00.001+08:00

CNY visiting also comes to an end.
my relatives here, i think i BAI NIAN already.

so i guess my next big thing wouldddd beee....
sigh, march holidays (which is like so so so so faraway!)

plus, i got so many tests
and idontwishtosufferanymoretraumas.
atleast,notforhistory
:/

sighhh.

anyway, well, actually, there's valentine's day that i should look forward to, since its not only a day for lovers, but for friends.

ohwells, just to update you guys, if you're still lagging behind, by like dont-know-how-many-yearssss, my insecure feelings have also evaporated away

straightened out my thoughts. (someday,some morning) *cant remember when already. LOL

anyway, back to the topic, i am not looking forward to valentine, basically, is just the fact that, the day will be so filled with "LOVE" that i might, actually, fear it.
fear of how little my events might be, fear of how boring that day will be, fear of the "LOVE" atmosphere that further exemplifies my isolation.
in any case, i just hope that my sensitive nerves will not be so alert, and take in every piece of information around me and dampen my spirits.

afterall, my goal of this year has been pretty much set. *by teachers, family and myself.*
A levels.
so i cant afford to lose sight of it anyway (be it due to personal emotions and any encounters)
i think i'll just have gotta postpone them all

-xiuyun
Laments

2012-02-03T01:46:00.000+08:00

anyways, finished reading the book "Memoirs of a geisha"

OMG, definitely engaging and i was so engrossed that, on the way to penang/ipoh, i finished it :D
KEKE.

should readdddddd~ i recommmenddd!
(:

by the way, its already school, for like a week or so.
the heavy feelings and all seemed to have left me alone
SO GOOD for me (:
haha.

basically, towards this year, my wavering hopes seem to have found a pillar of strength and support.
(from family and friends i think) otherwise, my inner self wont be so peaceful and serene. (it isnt being cynical and kept shooting each hopeful sentence my mind comes across)

so i guess things are working out, these few days.

my life is going alright, i suppose...

-xiuyun
may these days last! :D

2012-02-03T00:22:00.001+08:00

Here in malaysia, I entertained different ideologies.

My sis's arguments that the trip is a waste
and my dad's subtle and disagreeing stance.

I don't really feel much towards this trip.
But I guess I agree to both pov.

In singapore, I get to enjoy those new year movies that I love to watch.
In malaysia, its like a last, final getaway I could ever have before my nightmare becomes a reality.

But either way, the result is already fixed. I am here in malaysia right now. So I doubt anymore arguments make much sense.

Rather, I should be contented with the things are.

In any case, there are many types of riches in the world.

While some (many, actually) delight in having money, clothes... as those can bring out the differences in status/class, ie. prove that one is rich.

Yeeeessss. this is one defination of the word 'rich' but.... i think there are other "riches" in this world that we should pursue. Those arent my currency for life.

and by broadening my own defination, i think i am quite a rich kid.

HOHO.

You see, I have many friends, whom will support me and view me in the best light possible
Also, I have the best family I could ever have. They cultivate me, tried to bring the best out of me. And at the same time, they gave me the best material and emotional support.

My all rounded life, credits are due largely to them.

-xiuyun
At this moment, I am in bliss.
As I have already owned, the best of both worlds.

2012-01-22T07:51:00.001+08:00

Saturday is a travelling dayyyy.
The whole day, I sat on the bus, towards my destination: Ipoh.

Right now, with the sun rising, and the night clears to become a brand new day, I am in ipoh, in one of their hotels, using their wifi.
Keke.

Wearing outfits that, in my pov, are pretty, together with my new pair of shoes, I ought to count my blessing already.

-xiuyun
I shall enjoy today as if my last.
Luckygalx.

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2012-01-22T07:45:00.001+08:00

Friday's eat together for 6N was awesome!
It was great fun, cooking in seoul garden, devouring my favorite kimchi and gossiping away with my classmates.
We had class outings before, but it had failed. ):

I feel so useless, now to think of it.
Anyway, glad that 6N had such a happy start to the year of dragon.

May our class pull through this year's hurdles and come out with satisfactory grades for As. (:

-xiuyun
Had wondered what its like to be other classes
But always, felt lucky to be here, as I met many friends who share my frequency and wavelength...

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2012-01-20T10:59:00.001+08:00

Nothing had changed.
Or rather, I am still the same person.

I am still a weakling...
Regardless of the person, I am still interested in others pov.

I thought I could ignore all of it...
But when the incident occurs, I am still affected.

-xiuyun
She could not cross those barriers.

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2012-01-19T22:30:00.001+08:00

Bread an butter remains crucial
I thought its not something vital

But current affairs always change it all
I got to climb up that social ladder

Run past all obstacles
Before the results determine it all

-xiuyun
Not burdens
But a mission.

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2012-01-19T22:25:00.001+08:00

Once
My principles still hold
My stance never change
My faith did not waver

Today
My beliefs proved me wrong
No longer can I be like what I was before
And her admiration, I had let down her expectations

-xiuyun

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2012-01-15T23:24:00.001+08:00

Insecurities keep setting in
As I see romance all around me
Even if I list what's so good about being single
The abyss of emptiness never take its leave

Romance seems not to be meant for me
As i have a weird characteristics,
Nor am I pretty
Sigh, my self esteem is wavering

to friends who read this
these upheaval feelings seldom visits
So no worries

-xiuyun
Plus, if joy is a faraway dream, and if I am such a pessimist,
I am not me...

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2012-01-15T21:07:00.001+08:00

Now, for the underlying emotions part.
Sigh. I know it is perfectly alright if someone does not agree with your choice of clothes.
I mean, we have our own unique tastes, dont we?
Yet, the blatant words simply hurt.
Especially coming from someone close to me.

I thought they are the ones who should protect me? I thought they are the ones who would defend my ideals? I thought they are the ones who will never harm me?
Then why cant they, tell me their perspective in a less blunt manner?

Let me have my pride back, let me retain my confidence, let me feel assured that my choice isn't wrong.

I know its hard, between telling white lies and saying the truth
Being someone who dislike FALSE truths, in any form, I know one shouldn't lie, under any circumstances.
However, I implore more sensitivity...

My shattered confidence... need more recognition to piece themselves back.

I know she isn't trying to put me down, or cause any sorrows...
But I really am affected
I cant pretend that I am not.

And just now, I even told myself this, I shall never go out with her again
No, I shan't let myself to be under her mercy.

Her words are too painful to bear.

-xiuyun
Closes her eye, and she wishes for an escape

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2012-01-15T20:51:00.001+08:00

Sigh
Din do much revision these two days.

With a camp ytd, I was drained of energy.
So only did a bit of math
Hence today, in the morning, I told myself that I cannot/ should not slack anymore today.
However, once again, plans always change its course, and I did otherwise.

Went out to meet my extuition teacher, and had lunch at bukitmerah...
Korean lunch ftw (:

Then I went to some salon at Telok Blangah to have my hair cut.
as mama is having her hair dyed and permed, my sis and I went to yakun at safra to do our hw.

When mum is done, we met her for dinner. And we left for cathay...
Sis wanna get iphone casing
In the end, for today, I got the plastic type water bottle. Haha.

-xiuyun
Well-packed day.

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2012-01-15T20:43:00.001+08:00

Yesterday's camp was awesome (:
Haha, okay, i am exaggerating, but it was more than fine. (: keke.

Initially, I am really scared that it might turn out badly.
But in the end, the people are cooperative and it was fun!
Yay!!(:

Really happy that this camp sorta bonded people.
In any case, I guess the seniors and juniors interacted with each other, and they knew more about each other...
So that's quite reassuring.
(:

- xiuyun
Heaved a sigh of relief.
And smiled.

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2012-01-14T21:17:00.000+08:00

the reassurance from ms chua made my worries subside a little.
BUT NO.

i shall work really really really hard for my history this year!
" Dreams seldom materialize on their own " Dian Fossey

so i have to keep working hard, and do all i can to improve my grades.

last year already, the end which i have been waiting for.
no way am i gonna let that be a regret of my life, nor will it become a painful memories

i have had enough of pains, tears and despair
so i have to go beyond these.

the bumpy rides which i have had experienced, the abyss of unknown that i had the misfortune to fall into...
i will leave them behind
those are merely processes of life

-xiuyun
i gotta be strong....

2012-01-12T17:11:00.001+08:00

School days are still boring. With the lectures, tutorials, never ending homework. ):

But today. My pms finally left me alone, in the middle of meadows and sunflowers and...

I took a deep breath.
At the same time, i closed my eyes to feel the rush of oxygen into my lungs and my body going into a state of relaxation.

-xiuyun
Right now, I am just fine.

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2012-01-09T21:51:00.001+08:00

Today a new monday.

And my life took a wrong turn.
Or rather, i seemed to be moving somewhere, which i had no particular memory of, and i cant seem to maneuver myself.

Last time, even when I fell down, I cried, and I moved on.
Now, I fell, tears threaten to fall, but my pride will not allow that. It was kept at bay, and my heart hurt with throbbing pain.
Last time, I told myself to keep moving. Cos I cannot let my family and friends down.
But now?

Yeah, my friends are there. But sometimes, I feel alone....
Maybe I am being pessimist here, but, life's obstacles are yours to fight.
How are others be by your side?

-xiuyun
Cries alone.

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2012-01-09T21:26:00.001+08:00

Weekends went okay...
With a saturday dinner at a fancy restuarant at raffles, I cant ask much, can i?
Shopped while with oxx before heading home with family.

Sunday
Homeworking.
Then met qingying to shop
Pretty satisfactory with the results.
Yaye~

Went popular too.
Got my math assessment book, my lollipop f 2nd album. They gave me a poster too!!!

Awesome...
went home in glee.

-xiuyun
My life is still under control.

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2012-01-09T21:21:00.001+08:00

First week of school went well enough.
Not much of heartaches.
All was well.

Friday did not come as a surprise, or long awaited.
Its just, another friday.

But I guess, its different...
Since that was my sister's birthday - 20years old.

How time flies.
She is two decades old.
An adult to be. Last year being younggg.
O.o

Anyway.
She came home late that night, so we celebrated her birthday late at night.
The cake was nice. (:

-xiuyun
Ah, the short, temporary bliss

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2012-01-04T22:43:00.000+08:00

OH YA
RESOLUTIONS

1. 2 A 2B , A if possible for GP
2. do more CIP
3. improve on my shooting skills
4. spare time for family and friends

-xiuyun
a test of my mental, emotional, physical strengths
resilience, faith, love
i need you to keep me going

2012-01-04T22:39:00.001+08:00

two days of school.

being Y6 is weirdddd. :/
sigh, the oldest!

dont look forward to my birthday already! ):
but got cake^^

yay, oxx's birthday coming, got cake.
haha, long time never eat :D

maybe due to the long period of time spent not studying,
studies seemed to be more interesting this year.

my past fears, sorrows and pain, seemed really to have gone as a new year starts.
(:

really happy that my thoughts are now sorted out!
those times when i feel useless, stupid, lousy and all...
though they might visit sometimes, they are no longer daily guests that i gotta entertain...

-xiuyun
disappointments are only temporary
miracles can still happen, when we try.

2012-01-04T22:32:00.000+08:00

anyway, like the previous years, its my tradition to thank people and make some new year resolutions here...
so well here it goes!

PEOPLE I WISH TO THANK
FAMILY!!!
thanks for the unconditional care, love and concern. despite my tantrums, my shortcomings, you love me all the same.
linda!
thanks for withstanding me for another year, best friend!
pekkhoon!xinni!
thanks for listening to all my stories. i am a nag! ):
fiona, qianying, peijia !!!
thanks for being so awesome, being there to give me strength, confidence and faith!
Glam Club
your encouragement is my vitamins!
NINANA
your birthday surprise really surrounds me with love. it boost my (not very high) self esteem. thanks wonderful girls!
yeyun, vivian, jeremy, yingho, heping, songning, and more~~~ (sorry for not naming)
thanks for your encouragement and being there! i couldnt have survive Y5 without you!
RV069 - hueychyi, songning, jiayu
SUNSHINE CARE NURSING HOME, we made it possible!
thanks for all the help you've rendered me in PW this year, guys!

-xiuyun!((:
when i fall, you catch me
when i cry, you cheer me up, wipe away my tears
when i lost hope, you showed me the rainbows in life
when i no longer felt passionate towards life, thanks for pulling me out of the tunnel and gave me reasons to smile
YOU PEOPLE ENDURED XIUYUN FOR ANOTHER YEAR, AND I REALLY REALLY CANT THANK YALL ENOUGH.

2012-01-04T22:17:00.001+08:00

NEW YEAR, THE DAY AFTER NEW YEAR

spent buying sis's gifts, trying those qns that i left blank, and trying to watch more dramas/movies
BEFORE REALITY/SCHOOL/HORROR KICKS IN.
hehe

-xiuyun!
2 more days, 2 more hours, to more minutes, 2 more seconds.
boom! i have to go to school!

2012-01-04T22:14:00.000+08:00

on new year's eve
i finally mustered my courage, and found out the truth about the question that had bugged me for a long, long time.

with your assurance, my wavering confidence was a thing of the past

this friendship is still there, despite the many layers of dust, making it seem invisible.
so really, your words brought me relief and joy.

at least, it gave me hope, that friendships doesnt break that easily.
(:

-xiuyun
as long as our hearts still remember each other as a friend, i guess that's enough for me.

2012-01-04T22:07:00.000+08:00

last day of Dec

went to my dad's godson's daughter's birthday party
CUTE 1 YEAR OLD :D

after that, my sis and i even went to vivo, to feel the atmosphere of NEW YEAR's EVE.

had gongcha too!

-xiuyun
it doesnt mean much anymore.

2012-01-04T21:45:00.002+08:00

2A chalet was busy!

1st night was all about trying to plan xinni's birthday surprise.
LOL.
me and pek considered many stuff la.
scared she'll know about the surprise.

hehe, in the end, at 11+, fiona reached.
then xinni was too engrossed in her drama to really care about what's happening.
hence, using the excuse that i am going down to fetch fiona, i went to buy a choc fudge from cheers and met fiona.
then, we put the candles on the cake.
:D

then, fiona and i walked back to the chalet room, while waiting for 0000.
then when its time, we rang the door bell.
LOL, xinni came to open the door
so we quickly sang the birthday song, and the rest joined in.

SHE WAS SURPRISED AND HAPPY (:
yay.

then we played some more card games, talked abit.

in the end, at 2++, everyone was knocked out.
left me and pek
with nothing else to do, we chatted...
then somehow, we talked about one's flexibility.
then we even tried some flexible yoga moves on the floor!
HAHA.

the following day, breakfast+lunch at mac.
then me pek xn fiona watched sherlock holmes.

afterwhich, we met desmond xiaodan shimin and went back to the chalet.
more card games.
LOL. 21 is played with choc? HAHA.

then, as i was feeling hungry, craved for fried rice, the rest accompanied me to makan, while fiona left first.
after that, we went to shop for xiaodan's birthday present.
got her loads of food :D

in the end, she left the chalet already, before we head back.
gosh, even rushed to the bus stop to find her.
but, she's already at pasir ris when we finally could contact her.

with such a letdown, we went back.
then when we went back, the guys were there already...

and kung told us that she gotta go liao.
):
and we sent her off, before accompanying shimin for her dinner.
desmond joined us.

on the way back, the rest told us that they are going to the arcade
so we followed.

played daytona! :D
and yadayada

went back to chalet, (cos arcade is too boring! LOL) with pek sm and desmond
played more card games.
....

at 10, we all left.

-xiuyun
a bit of thrill here and there.

2011-12-29T14:51:00.001+08:00

Before 2a chalet, was a busy afternoon.
Went to citylink, then suntec, and back to citylink, as my sis finally decided on the pants she wants.
:/

Then went to bugis to meet Xinni and Pekkhoon to buy xinni's birthday presents.
Got her a vintage bag and a dress.
(:

And off me and Pekkhoon went, towards pasir ris.

-xiuyun(;
Unravel a new experience

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2011-12-29T14:47:00.001+08:00

Tuesday
As oxx was having some moodswings, we went out late.
After we are done choosing pictures to develop.
): went out late! HMPH

Went cineleisure to buy movie tickets for new year's eve...
Afterwhich, dinner at ion, and we shopped around at ion.
At 9.10+ we chionged back to cine...
And we watched the movie.

Its not fantastic, but alright.
Worth my money.(:

-xiuyun
Many stories can happen in a day...

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2011-12-29T14:44:00.001+08:00

Monday, nearly went out to help my friend for his project.
But, in the morning, quarreled with my family...
Lol.
So I decided not to go out...

Instead, help my mum to run some errands.

At night.
Went tampines to have dinner...
Saw this pair of boots!
haha, really tempted to buy. (:
Nvm, next year no chance to wear also.

Then I read 'chasing harry winston'
And home sweet home.

-xiuyun(:

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2011-12-26T17:00:00.001+08:00

anyway, watched a lot of movies again (:
hehe.

had several food-for-thoughts.

deja vu are really something we dream about and forgot?
well, it may not really be so.
it can be memories from our previous lives, which are engraved into our minds, causing us to feel a sense of familiarity to something that is supposedly new.

and, while reading a novel online, there is this poem quoted:
最好不相见，便可不相恋
最好不相知，便可不相思
最好不相伴，便可不相欠
最好不相惜，便可不相忆
最好不相爱，便可不相弃
最好不相对，便可不相会
最好不相误，便可不相负
最好不相许，便可不相续

its the bitterness that one feels after a separation.
its regrets that we hear, its pain that we feel, and its definitely spoken in sorrow.
and it all been caused due to misunderstandings ):

though as hard as it will be, to clear up misunderstandings in real life situations, as pride, face and various other external factors hinder one from finding the truth, many relationships will not have happy endings.
and what's the conclusion for the leads?
as the past haunts, pain and tears follow.
so i hope that i can confront any conflicts in the future, because a beautiful ending should be a given when the couple duly deserve so.

-xiuyun(:
may more bonds be rekindled

2011-12-26T13:51:00.001+08:00

sunday
went to bugis in the afternoon, to purchase mama's ingredients for her pineapple tarts.

then movie-ed all the way ytd night.
HEE.
but i finished the essay outlines and read finished my econs notes.
haha. (:

not bad an accomplishment eh?

-xiuyun
movies only give people a chance to escape from reality. How far DYA?

2011-12-26T13:49:00.000+08:00

saturday

met up with songning and heping, as i wanna pass them my xmas greetings. (:
then sn and i went to the yoghurt shop to do homework.

chatted a lot! keke^^

and in the evening, met up with mama at pearl centre, to sign up for a malaysia tour during CNY.
had dinner outside, went NTUC and home!

WAHHHH.
taxi fares isnt cheappppp!
ITS WORSE THAN EVER.

last time, when we took the cab from bukit merah central, it was 4.20
now? 5.80 i think!
godddd.

-xiuyun!
high SOL is no kidddding.

2011-12-26T13:45:00.000+08:00

Friday is a happy day, but ended with anger~ :/

went out happily to meet pekpek.
hehehe.
even close friends need to meet up to stay in contact sometimes ^^

wanted to visit the railway, but in the end?
it rainnnnnned!

sigh.
and pek isnt feeling well, so we decide to alight at any suitable bus stops.

in the end, we alighted at marymount mrt.
and we took the circle mrt to serangoon.

NEX HERE WE COME. (:

then as pek was going clementi while i was heading towards orchard, we bade goodbye on the train.
and before i leave, she gave me a xmas card. :D
thanks pekpek~

-xiuyun
its a feeling that we've got, that made us really close.

2011-12-26T13:40:00.001+08:00

Thursday
my mum woke my sis and i up super early, to pay respects to our grandma
then went to makan at little india there.
had roti prataaa. LOL.

then walked a bit before heading home.

at night, i suggested to go out and have dinner.
keke, went clark quay's bbq chicken and had dinner :D

ah, that day was filled with ups and downs.
my dad was furious at us and threw his temper somemore.
Very scary :/

-xiuyun!(:
explaining isnt my forte.

2011-12-22T23:20:00.000+08:00

WEDNESDAY

met primary school friend to help out for his project again.
at 2+, went home

and that was it.
(finished the qing zhao hou gong)

-xiuyun
believe in your love
that way, even a simple love story can be the love that everyone envies

2011-12-22T23:16:00.001+08:00

Went to have breakfast at mac
Talked to jeremy and yucheng there.

So anyway, back at the room, some of us who were still at the room, slept.
(:

While some, who were not exactly feeling really tired, remained awake.
Zaiiiii!

And those who remained awake, went out for lunch while leaving us to zhou gong.
And being thoughtful classmates. They even bought maggi mee back for us!
thanks!~

Then we watched some lame movie, then ironman2, and went ehub again...
Played the same stuff as ytd night.

At 630, left home with xunkai and peijia.

-xiuyun
Though not close with them I might be
I love our memories, our laughter, our bonds, our willingness to help each other.
I AM GLAD, TO BE HERE, IN 4H'10

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2011-12-22T23:15:00.000+08:00

Then, I went for 4H chalet.
Hehe, as I don't wanna be alone, I asked huiyu to meet me.
Keke

In the end, jeremy was there as well.
Thanks a lot((:

Yadyada~~~~

First night, spent most of the time at pool/arcade.
): was teased by yc about magnifying glass.
Tskkkk.

Din watch much of paranoma
(Afraid of the repurcussions)
So went to sleep instead (at 2+)
Then, woke up at 4+ due to noise and all.
Lol.

Played card games that huiyu brought.
Afterwhich, people start to wake up...
And it was another day.

-xiuyun
Tiring monday.

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2011-12-22T23:14:00.000+08:00

Monday
Went to commonwealth to help out for my friend's project.
O.o

First time to really see filming taking place.
Wahhh.
Interesting experience!(:

The equipment, the process, the behind-the-scenes.
Hearing and gaining knowledge from mass media, now I realized, is only the tip of the iceburg.
I was wrong.
There is more to that!

A lot more unknown
A lot more technology involved
A lot more discipline
A lot more shots and scenes

Just for a short video.
All in all, I think it has been an eye opener.

-xiuyun
Clearer view of the future

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2011-12-22T23:13:00.000+08:00

So basically
the following activities filled up my last week
- reading of fanfic
- posting of shanghai trip
- shopping with sis
- dinner with relatives
- CIP
- pool
- dramas
- movies
- see the amount of hw I had left
- econs project
- sleepover

-xiuyun

Colouring my simple life.

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2011-12-22T23:12:00.001+08:00

then for my weekends !!! :D
Saturday morning: watched this thailand movie that I found extremely interesting!
Named ' crazy little thing called love '
Very very nice.

Go youtube and find!!!(: worth your time
^^

in the afternoon,
Went out with sis to get Xmas gifts for ourselves.
Haha.
Our gift for each other: each to pay 30bucks, then with a total of 60 bucks, we will get more tops for ourselves. Hahaha.

Anyway, on sat, after shopping with sis, i met linda at vivo.
Then both of us went to my home since she is staying over at my house for a night^^
She did hw while I... slacked.
Haha.

But we talked a lot too.
Haha, finally the sleepover that we've been taking about materialized.

Sunday,
Yeyun came my house and we all started to do our project.
And in an hour or so. We finished it.
Hahaha~
chatted alot too! :D

Zai right!(:

Night was all about dramas.
^^
Named:' Qing zhao hou gong '

-xiuyun
Her pretty fun, fulfilling weekends~

2011-12-22T23:09:00.001+08:00

Thursday friday

Did cip with linda lengkhoong and sister...
Went out with sis after cip on both days.

ON THURS
we went to cathay, catched a movie. ^^
called... " Mission Impossible "

HOHOHO.
very nice!
the effects were great.
last time, i din understand why people pay like 6 bucks for 100+ mins of enjoyment.
but now i do.
sometimes, the effects are so breathtaking that you find your money well spent.
And yes, this movie is one of the movies that i felt my money paid was worthwhile~

THEN
we went to tiong to meet uncle for dinner.
went to have chicken rice at golden mile there.
not bad :D
very crowded. (like how i had remembered it)

home at 8+, watched POINT OF ENTRY.
kekeke~

FRIDAY
I ate/tried out different food at bugis^^

and, later, I even went pool at safra.
But I was lousy!):
siannnnnn. ):

-xiuyun
begins to love movies.

2011-12-18T00:07:00.000+08:00

10th of Dec

last day

as we only gather a t 12 for the book-out, we have nothing to do in the morning...

so in the end, my family, except my dad, we all took a walk.

we saw the market place near our hotel and how shanghai people lead their lives.

interesting!

BUT DIRTY.

THEY SPIT ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE!

sigh.

i wonder what i've stepping on these days~

after book-out, lunch.

and we went to another place to shop.

cant remember the name.

but there got a lot of good food!

- crispy pancake

- takoyaki

- xiao long bao

- mochi

bought a ring too!

-xiuyun

off to the airport.

end.

2011-12-18T00:01:00.001+08:00

9th of Dec

went out on our own.

set off for nanjing road at 9pm

took taxis there.

ah, i think my sis and I are great! LOL.

tried to find my wallet, but to no avail.

sigh.

anyway, found this mall, "raffles city" which might have inklings to us

since even the food court is named "food republic"

LOL.

then we went back to hotel and rest.

oh ya, forgot to mention.

this last hotel that i stayed in is really awesome!

not mentioning the fact the room and the toilet are big,

in the toilet, there is even a tv in front of the bathtub.

O.o

5 STAR!

i feel like a rich lady! kekeke

enjoying some bath.

Heee

anyway, had a bath before going out again.

went to an exhibition hall (similiar to our esplanade), and watch a series of acrobats!

they're professional!

and with their young age, they're unbelievable!

MUST HAVE TRAINED REALLY HARD UH?!

then, went we went out.

for the first time, my teeth chatter abit and i shivered a bit too.

OMG! coldnesssssssss~

then on the bus, i got my answer.

its like 0 degrees or sth!

as its night time, the temperature drops~

-xiuyun

2011-12-17T23:52:00.000+08:00

8th of Dec

Breakfast, with omelette! :D

went to the national TV tower.
very tall, very scary, very breath-taking.
:D

took pics.
think i am (a bit ++) brave then.
kekeke.

afterwhich, we went to the wax museum.
very well-made!
saw the phases that shanghai went through in the past, to what it is today.
well, though old stories they already are, but seeing it again makes me feel how real it has actually been for many cities.

from trishaws, to lao ye che, to the current transport.
from the wooden furniture, small house, to metal/plastic being the preferred choice of material, small flats...
ah, cities share many similarities.

anyway, made another friend here.
LOL.

so after this, 4 of us always sat at the back of the bus to chat...:D

Had lunch, went for some tea thing again.
): sigh, the money will help kids in yun nan.
but mama bought the tea for lao er auntie already):
.... poor kids!

went nanjing road to shop, then chenghuangmiao+yu yuan shopping arena to continue our shopping...

last, a cruise ride to take pics of shanghai's night scene!

-xiuyun
the bund,
the city that sleeps beautifully

2011-12-17T23:40:00.001+08:00

7th of Dec

Breakfast at hotel, went to the zisha place (ie. teapot)

wah, some amazing teapots i see!
those that float, those that dont drip, those that have twirling effects when water comes out.
(and papa got one mug made of zisha...)

afterthat, we went to the San Guo place.
): it rained!
So din see much.
sigh.
but still, better than nothing.
i left my footprints there, din i? :D

lastly, at Wuxi, we also went to the pearl factory

got a stamp that engraves my name.
hehehe.

and BUS-ed to shanghaiiiii.

before the day ends, we went to HuaiHai Road, where we shopped.
it sold many fake/imitation goods.
LOL.

the toilet was hilariously, embarrassingly, useless!
NO DOORS!
my mum held the wooden plank up while i used it.
OMG x10!

-xiuyun

2011-12-17T23:34:00.000+08:00

6th of Dec

Mama woke me up super early today as well ):
sigh sigh sigh.

temper rose that day
so din eat alot at breakfast
was angry, moody, and irrational.

anyway, we went to see the yangtze river that morning, before having a 3 hours of bus ride to Wuxi
Again, the view was good.
pictures speak a thousand words
so go fb to see ba~

at Wuxi, we visited LingShan.
first, we saw the birth of Buddha, before some of us chose to climb up the stairs to the big Buddha, where we hug his toes, to seek for prosperity.

though the steps were tiring to climb, after doing it, i felt a great amount of satisfaction!
(:
at that place, i also wrote a wish, and hung it on the metal thing.
also, at that place, i bought the lucky charms for my friends!
hehe, hope those will bring them good luck~

lastly, we visited the lingshan fan palace.
it was beautiful.
the gold was stunning
the ornaments were intricate
the drawings were so detailed.

ah, the serene and silence is so loud that it even echos.
(:

truly magnificient!

-xiuyun!
places of wonder!

2011-12-17T23:17:00.000+08:00

5th of Dec

again, i was woken up by my parents early in the morning.
GROANS.
why they so kiasuuuu?
sigh.

anyway, after breakfast, we went to the silk factory where i got a bolster :D
(i'll miss my mini one when i change my bolsterrrr!!!) ):

then, we board the bus, moved to Nanjing
(3 hours of bus ride~ )
(with dumpling to eat at the stop over)

Reached!~
Lunch was not bad...

afterwhich, we went to zhong hua men.
got alot of history!
it was built by zheng he...
it was meant to protect the people in nanjing

and being such a great project that is so great in magnitude, it is hard for people in the past to complete, considering the type of technology they had then!
i am totally impressed!

so yeah, took alot of pics here and there again~

then, we went Fu Zi Maio and the shopping arena there.

it was there that i really got to buy alot ^^
leggings, earings, two coats, a top.

dinner at KFC, due to lack of time. haha.
but it was nice!
i like the burger!
(HOPE IT WILL COME SG)
haha.

in the night, aunt came over and we play red fish and 21

-xiuyun

2011-12-17T23:00:00.001+08:00

4th of Dec

Breakfast was not very good, not as well as what i had expected.

after that, the group all gathered on the bus, to go to this place where LongJingCha was manufactured.
wa, long jing cha is nice ^^
especially the biscuit that my sis and i bought tgt!
GREAT.

sigh, but now?
dont have already):

then looooong journey, as we went to wuzhen.
it was an area that was preserved by the govt, as it depicted the olden days
its like our kampong.
just that its chinese architects, with wooden doors and windows, with "fu" words pasted on their doors...
and the floor? rounded rectangular stones...

it was a nice place!
my sis and I camwhored a lot! :D

ah, looking at all this...

really, with passing time, infrastructure changes, architectural style changes, cultural changes, governance changes.
the town, clashes with modern high rise apartments, stood out, as a peculiar place.
yet, as many tourists visit, it becomes a place filled with admiration and love.

many of us will admire that past it represents, and even more of us will love the tangible touch it gives for us to link back to our roots.
as without roots, we're nothing. no links to anyone, anywhere, any past.
we've no stories to tell.

hence, this place, earns my vote.
you guys should visit this place!!

anyhow, its quite ironic that its humans who erased the historical architectures and its also the humans who want to protect them today

then, a long bus journey, and i am off to another city - Suzhou.
ah, qingying's hometown.

at there, we met with our local guide, and we went sight seeing...
first, we went hanshan miao. its there where we hit the bell thrice (:
pretty nice experience.

then, we went to shi zi lin, the original place which emperor had once visited as viewed the stones as lions
he even wrote something on one of the walls in the pavilion.
O.o

afterwhich, we went on a trishaw ride, to take a good look at the province.
it was amazing!(:

lastly, we went to guang qian jie where we did our shopping :D
): due to time constraint, and the fact that i din really get a free rein, i got nothing

-xiuyun!(:

2011-12-17T21:59:00.000+08:00

3rd of Dec
Reached Shanghai.

Wore my coat inside, as the tour guide says that the wind is rather strong, so will cold for us, especially since its our first time there...

stepping out of the "heater-available" zone, ie. the airport, i was looking forward to what the "cold" may mean...
ah, it was colder than our normal air-cons, but due to the clothing we wore, it was like in air con room. LOL.
nice~
(ahhhh, how i miss their cool!)

then on the bus, the tour guide was introduced to us.
she's called sun qing.

and then we are off to pick six other members of the group who reached earlier.
haha, as i missed alot of my sleep the day before, i was slipping out of consciousness when all these were happening.

and the last thing i know?

we reached a train station.

at the train station, after the tour guide's briefing, we had a toilet break.
and somehow, papa was missing!

what a thing to happen on the first day! :x
it really unnerved all of us~~~

fortunately, my aunt was rather observant and spotted my dad.
so in the end, we found him.
(:
heaves a BIG sigh of relief.

anyway, so yeah, our group gathered, and we moved to take our train.
as the train gathered speed, i look at the window, tried to take in everything that i've seen that day.
well, its not everyday that i will be here.
after this train trip, i will not be looking at the meadows in a train anymore.

so yeah, i was rather excited for the journey ahead.

then, after 45 mins, we're in hangzhou...
as our bus is still on its way here, we have to walk to the restaurant ourselves.
i dont really mind that, since that allows us to really take a look at this place(:

so yeah, the trip:
leaving the crowded station,
there were horrendously useless traffic lights, a need to cross the road with care and in crowds despite the blinking green man, gusts of cold wind, winter wear everywhere on everyone, buildings with chinese words...
all in all, being new, i really felt like a tourist, and had definitely enjoyed being one!

however, not all of us agree.
my dad, for me, was grumbling all the way.
i guess he's right in some ways, but i still that one should be more forgiving. well, we can have everything in our way. i mean, when on a tour, walking is meant for us to look at their lifestyles and all.
that's the whole point of us travelling, isnt it?
Sigh.
okay, my disagreements aside.

at the restuarant, dad did not see a step and fell.
OMG 2X!
sighhhhh.

anyway
it was lunch-time:D
omg. their food is salty and oily to our liking ):
but the ambiance is good though...

then we boarded the bus, to go Cheng Huang Miao, where we'll be able to look at the beautiful scenery of a lake.
it was prettttty :D
(papa and mama din go as they both have rather weak legs. cant take the climbing of stairs)

afterwhich, back to bus, where we went to take a cruise ride, to enjoy the scenery of the lake.
on the way to take the cruise, we went to Huagang Park, where many of the trees were already red/yellow in colour... it was a scenery that i usually see on shows, in google search.
and now, i finally got to really see it!
Its captivating!(:
falling leaves during autumn, accompanied by the cooling weather, its really a pretty place to be in!

then it was dinner ^^
(was hungry by then!)

and before heading back for a rest, we watched a performance that showed us the the various legends that happened here, such as Liang Shan Bo and Zhu Ying Tai...
but due to my lack of sleep,
regretfully, i din manage to watch much.

-xiuyun
a full day filled with many sight-seeing.
a really exhausting day, so as to say!
but sadly, in the end, i had this bit of regret.

2011-12-16T09:54:00.000+08:00

2nd of Dec, the start of my JiangNan Journey

my family went to the airport, waited for my aunt and uncles before we meet my relatives who came to send us off.

i was getting more and more hungry as time ticks by.
:/

as they reached singapore when we were on the taxi, they should be coming any time soon, considering their location to be so near Changi Airport.
but it doesnt seem to be the case.
what we predicted or expected were wrong.
there were no taxis at tanah merah ferry terminal, and they came late, very late.

sigh.

so finally, we had our dinner and chatted, as we wait for time to pass.
my sis and I even went to the NTUC there to get some tidbits for our trip and Each a Cup there too to get oreo crush.
as chloe was there, we camwhored a bit as well.

when it was time to meet our leader who will bring us to shanghai and be in charge of us throughout this trip, we went over to counter 10.

and there, admin procedures were done.

and it was only there, that i realise, the trip is not only about an escape for me, a fun, eye-opener experience, but a journey filled with responsibilities for 5 other adults.

with that, my heart sank a bit.
however, i underestimated the troubles, the issues and their dependence.
(all these, yall will know in due course)

anyway, soon, we checked-in and my sis and I roamed around T3 on our own as the adults all took a rest.

On the plane, i watched a movie, where it depicted a prodigy who was adopted by a couple who were facing some business difficulty. and the child helped them through it.
it was really nice, but my desire for a nap was greater then, so i din managed to watched the movie till the end.
thus, i fell asleep

And off I went, to shanghai~

-xiuyun
Her escape begins

2011-12-15T00:43:00.000+08:00

it doesnt matter how many friends you add on facebook, how many you follow on twitter, how many contacts you store in your phone.

ultimately, what matters is how many friends you can really call and talk to, call and ask them out, call and have someone there for you.

-xiuyun(:

2011-12-12T12:04:00.001+08:00

hey kids :D
haha, i am back alive and kicking

some parts of me changed though.
nonono, i did not go for any plastic surgery.

what changed was my brain storage.
there are more memories i wish to remember, so i guess the space available in the brain now decreases...
memories aside, my perspectives towards some matters, some people, was solidified.

last time it might be just rumors,
right now, as i witness with my own eyes,
i learnt that while we should share what we have,
some times, some people, they dont deserve it.

sigh
the dark side of people, i rather not face ):

anyway, this journey was fulfilling, despite my anger and frustrations.
as i travel to these foreign lands,
with my eyes, i see for myself the kind of mannerism, culture and lifestyle they had
with my mouth, i taste for myself the type of food they enjoy
with my ears, i listened to the legends, rumors and histories regarding the places

it was all very enriching.

to top it off, i made friends (:

-xiuyun!(:
in all, this will be yet another a journey that left footprints in my heart.

2011-12-02T17:52:00.001+08:00

leaving singapore soon
shall post about my journey when i come back

i smile, as i reach out towards a wonderful journey

-xiuyun!
life is a simple book
sometimes we have to read between the lines, to feel the beauty of it.

2011-12-01T19:06:00.001+08:00

These days, I was rather affected by my mistakes.
I think I am someone who is quite harsh on myself, or rather, I have low esteem, so when something goes wrong, I have no positive thoughts about myself that makes me happy.
Hence, these days, my thoughts revolve around my inability to think carefully before making a purchase...

Am really unhappy!

Sigh, I think I really cannot talk about my feelings...
afraid to talk about it, unsure of how to go about describing it...

To me, speaking about it seems to be a search for assurance. Like, I need someone to tell me that I wasn't wrong. Things simply went this way.
And I dislike that kind of me.
hence, frustrated at everything, I tend to hide myself.
Not physically, but mentally.
I may be standing in a crowd, but I refuse to let my thoughts be heard/noticed.

Sometimes when i don't understand myself, I will ask people what I am like. Then (most)people will tell me that I am nice.
And then, I find myself in a dilemma.
As I know what people say, I dislike myself asking people this question. Am I seeking for some form of reassurance or what! But, sometimes, I really need a mirror, to know who I am...
Sigh.

-xiuyun
And her weird emotions

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2011-12-01T18:51:00.001+08:00

Oh, haven't post anything with regards to my 601 outing.

It was quite a successful one....
Around 10 guys were there, and errr.. 2 girls.
Lol. Me and yiqing.
Ah, standing beside her makes ms short. Really short):
Hmm it was nice catching up with her. Our lives haven't changed much. She is still as devoted to dance. Easy to talk to. And I know, she will be one of those friends that I will keep in contact till the end of time, and I will definitelt gonna invite her to my wedding. Hehe.
The guys changed a lot, however.
Some guys do drink a bit of wine and they do seem more matured. (: I cant promise that they are good guys now, as its only a meeting we are talking about here. but I sincerely believe that they are more gentlemanly now... the way they speak, their actions, the all sum up to tell me that they are now young men. They have left their childish side behind, allowing that to be their history.
To that, I am really happy for them.
Happy that they have grown, that they have matured.
And they are sentimental people, as they made the effort to come for the outing.
I am really grateful.

-xiuyun
601, a piece of my past that I wont throw away.
( and I wish them all the best )

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2011-12-01T18:37:00.001+08:00

A few amazing experiences happened, to me these days. And these experiences, left me feeling really embarrassed. Lol. Things I wouldn't imagine of doing~

1. Tuesday 29/11
When I came back from indonesia, my dad warned me about how similar bus service 273 and 124 are now due to the change of vehicle for 273 that he took the wrong bus once. Hearing that, I made this a mental note in my head, not to mistake the buses. However, on monday, as it was after cca, and I was in a rush to meet linda, I took the wrong bus. Maybe its hallucination, but I really see it as 124 you know! I was even taking a nice nap on the bus... lol. Until it turned into the interchange, causing a jerk, I then woke up realised the place I was in. Lol....
Epic.

2. Wednesday 30/11
As my phone's battery hit zero, I had no means of contacting linda ytd... cause initially she wanted to meet me to pass me a top which I can use for my china trip, so I needa inform her that I will be late and wanted to warn her not to meet me. Hence, on the bus, shamelessly, after calling pj to ask qy for linda's new hp no, which I din get in the end, I even asked the person, a stranger if I could switch the sim card so that I can call my friend. Lol!
She din allow, which I kinda expect...
But that expectation of mine din lessen my disappointment. Sigh.

3. Today 1/12
As linda took her bus home, I suddenly remembered my wish of manicure. Thus, I walked back into far east plaza, after minutes of consideration, and looked for the cheapest possible manicure.
And yes, I found it! On the 2nd/3rd floor, at the end of all the shops, I found this shop which ia having a sale! Express manicure costs only 6.80!
Hohoho. Exactly what I am looking for. After discussions with the manicure specialist, I got to use the color that has been on my mind these days! PURPLE. not exactly royal purple, but definitely some shade of purple that makes me happy. Oh anyway, the interesting thing is this... as I just had my nails done, the specialist told me to be careful not to hit anything, I was particularly careful as I walked about on my own.
Then, realizing I need to top up my ezlink card, I even asked a stranger, a teenager of my age, to help me take money out of my wallet. Lol!!!

Okay, so these are the few events which I am embarrassed of.

-xiuyun
Incredible to me.

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2011-11-25T18:22:00.001+08:00

Indonesia, tanjung pinang
It will always have a special place in my heart

though we may not always meet, but the blood relation sets us together. In this world, despite the distance, despite the cultural difference, we share unbreakable bonds

And I shall, one day, go there on my own, or with people, to explore that place.

And as a respected youth, I will too, visit my relatives and cousins.

-xiuyun
My family, they will always be.

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2011-11-25T18:20:00.001+08:00

Went to indonesia from tuesday to Thursday
Went to have lunch at some shop near 3rd uncle's house
Then went with mama to the salon, where she permed her hair and all.
While for me, I had a hair cut.
In between, I walked around and shopped.
Dinner were some noodles and some food at Suksin jiejie's happy fish.

Guihua jiejie they all arrived and so have first aunt
Took a couple of pics.

And we rested at the hotel for the night.
Due to the wedding, which commenced at 2am, we woke up at that time to go my 2nd uncle house to witness it.

Wah! Guoxing gorgor's buddies like black triad. Lol. All dressed in black, and there were 20 odd plus of them~

The bride is pretty(:
Haha, congrats to them!!!

When the couple took pics with the aunts, my mum asked me.
Lol!
So weird. All adults ley~
Sigh

In the end, as the only cousin, I took a pic with them
Weird~

Finally. Back in hotel. And I slept^^

The following day,
Went to 2nd uncle house with 4th aunt to find mama
Got green kueh as my breakfast (:
And I did my nails too.
Hohoho.

was even able to bring ahliu auntie to my 4th uncle house

Ah.
The freedom of being able to roam about.
No more constraints from my mum
Lovely!

Lunch at the place near ramayana, with 4th aunt's family
And back to hotel to bathe and change.

)): not enough time to charge my phone.
So cant take many pictures during the wedding):

The wedding was not as organised as singapore's one.
But the decorations are pretty!
There was indeed the atmosphere of bliss and happiness((:

The night was funny at times, happy at times, boring at times

With not many people I know
I have to entertain myself.
):
I do self talk, I reflect, I try to immerse myself in my world, I clamp down all elements of loneliness...

It was indeed a long night.

Family shots were taken after the whole event

And I bade goodnight to the world in my hotel room.

Last day
Woke up early, had breakfast with ahluang yiyi, my mum's friends, and mama.

Finally, my phone is fully charged
And I took all the chance I have got to take pics with them

Moved around, walked around.
Got some pancake on the way as well!~

Mama got clothes from G2000
Wanted to get scarf for jiejie.
But the adults dont understand my viewpoint, took it as a child throwing tantrum

Sigh!

Back in 2nd aunt's house
There was a row.
Unpleasant memories
Ah, always the same.
Outsiders are always the ones who are judgemental enough to really analyse the whole incident.

Lunch at bak kut tea stall.
Camwhored abit.

Back at 2nd Uncle's.
Shopped with mama and 2nd aunt for Jiejie's gift

My legs were in pain!

And finally, after we are done.
Back in the house, awaiting for the time to tick by

-xiuyun
A journey filled with empty periods
A sea of thoughts
A basket of emotions

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2011-11-22T00:52:00.001+08:00

will be in indonesia in around 12 hours later.
(:

so, goodbye everyone.
take care ^^
will try and update you people if possible~

-xiuyun!
forget the disappointments of yesterday
and embrace the hopes of tomorrow
never let those failures in your past affect your future success

2011-11-18T23:06:00.001+08:00

Many times, I wondered...
Who am I?
No, i am not talking about my name or what.
But, my character.

Even as many people told me before that I am nice, I simply think that they just haven't seen my the other side.

Anyway, I am quite about by what I heard tonight

Many, many, many thoughts
I don't know how to actually phrase all these.

What I can say is, I felt a mixture of emotions.
From surprise to shock, to anger to disappointment...
From trust to a sense of being betrayed
From someone trying to keep things intact to someone who tried too hard

-xiuyun
I cant say how much pain I am exactly feeling
Its not a lot
But the hollow feelings which I am feeling...
Where did it come from?

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2011-11-18T17:20:00.001+08:00

unsure of the spark

one dismisses the weird feelings

chose ignore that question mark

she pushed away all alternatives

when comprehension finally dawned upon her

he had already ran out of patience

fewer and fewer moments they spend together

she was longer the one found in his presence

inferiority starts getting in the way

and, fear of what others may say

she lost the courage to stay

left with the mere memories of him to replay

ambiguity ties - they were nearly there, but not quite.

-xiuyun!(:

storms brew as the bud grows

2011-11-18T16:43:00.001+08:00

it takes two hands to clap

i gotta believe
that it will work out
more than anyone else
i need to keep my faith burning
otherwise
the sad ending might really be the ending theme

-xiuyun!
breathe in and out slowly
there's still life, there's still hope.

2011-11-17T22:37:00.001+08:00

天降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空乏其身，行指乱其所为，所以动心忍性，曾益其所不能。——《孟子》

-xiuyun!

there are too many too many troubles in life

no only must we look at the positive side

we must be able to keep our cool!

2011-11-17T10:40:00.001+08:00

yesterday was not exactly amazing, but a nice gathering with 2A people.

although i am the one who entertains everyone, it was still a hilarious experience.
dont know why, but felt kind empty afterwards.

like, even though we are still meeting up, we're still having conversations,
some things have changed.

our paths have once crossed
but now?
i dont know, but there is certainly a gap.

its kinda sad.
but i guess it cant be helped.

like, with so little meet ups... we are friends who havent talked for a long long time.
but i guess during chalet, it will change for the better.

actually, dont know why, maybe i am trying to rescue my friendship,
i kinda hope that there will be a class outing soon.
before chalet, that is.

but i guess that's life...
so rather than feeling sad that we've parted our ways, let's cherish the times we have together.
like, class outings/chalets.
(:

although there may be awkward silence,
but i think its not that hard to rebuild our chemistry!
besides, we're bonded once!

be it 2A, 4H, 5N, 601, or Delta, i really hope that my friendship with you all will become something yesterday.
i always say that its great meeting you, and today, my view still stands.

hope that in the future, even when we're working, we can still have meet ups.

we can build friendships everywhere, anywhere.
but if you find one that is, worth your time and feelings, dont let it go... :D

so i really really really hope that, we can still remain as friends.
maybe some of us cant be great/good friends anymore, but let us not become acquaintances.

:D

-xiuyun!(:
loveyouall.
and i wish you all the best, wherever you may be.

2011-11-16T14:28:00.001+08:00

pw ended, officially.

went to create two groups on facebook.

hope outing will work out

even though there are differences.

like what songning say, " to see some changes, something needs to be done"

and, somehow today, some positive energy sparked within me.

yes, many ups and downs there are

many pains and sufferings we all have

there is nothing constant in life, other than a series of miracles and darkness, and varying degrees of changes.

people change, their lives change, their social circles change, their personalities change, their attitude change...

sometimes, someone who know turned into someone we knew...

especially in present times, where we have so many opportunities to meet new people, our ideas, mentalities and beliefs are always changing.

so when such things happen, it becomes even more vital for us to believe.

believe in the people you know, believe in your relationships, believe your principles...

all these take courage, and a lot alot of optimism.

i am not going to say that it is easy, but we have got to!

once we lose hope, thinking that nothing remedies.

the result can never change.

the distanced relationship will never mend

the dreams you have will never come true

the grades you aim will never become reality

yes, life always make a fool of us.

working hard doesnt akin to positive results

but not working hard definitely meant no results.

so before its all too late,

make an effort to go out with your friends, maintain your relationship, cherish your relationship.

make an effort to spend some time with your family, they're your faithful supporters. till the end of time, they will be the most loyal ones of all.

make an effort to work hard on your career/studies, before its all too late, you can still make a change.

-xiuyun!(:

when its high tide, and you seem to have drowned,

continue to struggle.

when you've pulled this through, you've overcame yet another obstacle.

you made yourself a stronger person.

2011-11-14T18:48:00.001+08:00

Another thing, someone is blasting music behind me.

Yes, those songs the person are playing tend to be what I enjoy listening to.
However, it does not render him free from any responsibility.
This is a public place. We should keep what we enjoy listening or doing to ourselves, refrain ourselves from interrupting other people's peace.
Yes, I can definitely view as a song sharing session and we all have freedom, we can do anything we like. But! This world is not only yours to own. There is only one me, but many you. Thus, we should respect others.

As such, to acknowledge each other's presence, we should all be mindful of what we do and not invade into others personal space...

-xiuyun
Its a world, with you and me.

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2011-11-14T18:06:00.001+08:00

On the bus home, I saw this sight: many people took the outer seat, causing many inner seats to be empty. Thus, those passengers who boarded the bus at a later time have to stand.

Looking at this, I cant help but sigh at the ignorance, inconsiderate actions of fellow singaporeans.
I mean, after a long day at work or school, we faced the reprimands of bosses, teachers or coaches. We are all tired. We are fellow human beings! So why are making things so hard for each other?

-xiuyun
Wish for more love between strangers.

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2011-11-14T17:58:00.001+08:00

Many people finished their op today.
Cant help but feel disgruntled about it.
Seeing their joyful faces, how I wish my op is already over and I can taste the feeling of freedom. Not that I am disdainful towards pw, but I am tired of going back to school

It gets on my nerves that I have to travel at least thrice a week to school, taking 273 and 198.
Its just not too pleasant for me. ):

However, today I have mixed feelings.
After having a last rehearsal with my 069, its a weird feeling.

The ending is approaching, but I am feeling sad that it is here tomorrow.

:/

I guess this has became a kind of routine. That's why, as I am going bade goodbye, I am felt a part of me leaving.
Besides, this project, this group-069, has been a part of my Y5- 5N life.

Although 069 is not exactly very very close, but I do enjoy the experience we have together.
Our knowledge of nursing homes, our special roles in the op, I think it will be a special part of my jc life.

And its due to pw that I really got to know some people
I saw how magnanimous hueychyi is, how similar Jiayu and I are in some areas, (we are both aries with common characteristics), and finally, how helpful and innocent Songning is.

-xiuyun
I will remember 069
Home away from home, sunshine care.
Phrases I wont forget

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2011-11-14T00:03:00.001+08:00

finally,
i feel so so so much better now.
(:

the past has been following me about.
for a good period of time.

to escape my incapabilites, to escape relationship issues, and above all, to escape the hard truths,
i chose to indulge in fiction.

i let dramas be my life.

it was nice initially.
i saw dreams coming true.
i felt romance.
i witnessed beautiful life stories, be it thrilling, romantic or humorous.

those had been something which i couldnt find.

maybe it's just me, but if you are those who are misled, and could not make out much meaning in life.
maybe you can read this post.... it may give you ideas as to how to feel happier and better towards your mundane life...

actually, in those days when i ran away from the real world,
i was putting on a mask.
i was covering myself up.

i did not see the love of my family
i did not see the existance of my friends.

i forgot the jokes which my friends make in an attempt to make me laugh
i forgot the times when i was with my family and i laughed till my sides ache
i forgot the compliments which people had once given me, very generously.

for one thing, i am not alone
for another, i was loved, i need not under rate myself too much.

i guessed this is just another hurdle of my life.
i cant promise anyone that i will never slip into such whirl of emotions again.

but i guess, the next time when life gets really disappointing,
i should try to defeat the monster of negative charge.

the more defeated i feel, the more i ought to bounce back.

in fact, the contrast between reality and dram serials is pretty significant that the pain seems to be even greater as i returned to earth from the oasis of nowhere.

-xiuyun
so let dramas be a type of hope, dream and drive in life
let that be something you wish to achieve - be it happiness, romance, loyal friends, steady career, or even, a simple and blissful life

hence, it becomes a source of happiness, and not a source of sorrows.
(:

2011-11-13T23:40:00.001+08:00

from today onwards, i shall try and post as frequently as possible.

its really time to leave my fantasies and create some real meaning out of fiction and non-fiction lives.

i mean, i am not gonna have another chance to repeat this holidays.
so i might as well live the best out of it.

anyway, saw some really motivational stuff.

once, i was confused about this world.
alot of dreams were shattered, alot of hopes were dashed, alot of childhood memories seemed distanced.
i dont know what to hold on to anymore.
hopes, dreams, people?

i dont really know where my mind is heading, but its definitely going wild.

people encouraged me, people tried to guide me towards the path of light, but i was adament.
i refused their opinions.

i let them sink in, but those kind words did not break my walls of defense,
it stayed somewhere between my brain and my ears.
it didnt sink in.

i was still in the midst of an ocean, unable to find the shore.

but now, i am enlightened.

like going through a tunnel, i kept running into dead ends, yet i was obstinate.
i did not want to admit my wrong.
i tried to break the walls, and with each failed attempt, i let despair to seep into my soul, taking away my passion for life.

and finally, i worked out the whole thing.
like problem sum, i finally understood this phase of life.

its just another cloudy day
where i should not treat the storm coming as an ominous sign, and dread it.
instead, i should take it as another challenge.

so people, if you meet similar issues, afraid, unaware and dispirited,
instead of seeing the cup as half empty, view it as half-full!

-xiuyun!(:
sometimes, a U turn doesnt mean a failure
but an opportunity to retry...

2011-11-13T23:19:00.001+08:00

went to do a cip today.
it was... mainly, paper hearts folding session.
LOL.

got to know a few people today (:

anyway, saw how other fellow teenagers behave.
and i thought, how did things turn out so differently for us?

we belong to same generation, in the same country, speak the same language, so what has set us apart?

different perspectives due to difference in environment.

no matter how equal we all are, having the same syllabus in education, having the equal rights, we're not on the same ground.
i understand that streaming allows people of similar calibre to be together and allowed for the reception of education to be more fruitful, but i cant help but empathise with those who are sorta eliminated from the system.

with more undergrads, the standard of good is being raised.
so where do the majority stand?

sigh.

but people!
dont feel down~
just be happy with you have, and work hard towards what you hold passion for.
that way, towards life, there is a sense of fulfillment, and the drive of life will not be diminished!

anyways, the world is SOOOO BIG!
there is a role which we all play.
so dont belittle yourself or overestimate others.

we're all humans, nothing more, nothing less.
just play your role, give the world a bit of love, care, and faith,
you've made this world a better place!

-xiuyun!
dont surrender, just yet.

2011-11-12T20:32:00.001+08:00

while on the train, while on the bus,

i saw many types of people

students, professionals, housewives, grandmas...

some of them slept, some of them read books, some of them played with their apps on iphone, some of them merely stoned...

everyone has another agenda on their list, and everyone is moving towards something.

its time like these, when i start to look at others, that i realise how small a role each of us have been...

so why bother so much with the disappointments in life?

we just move on.

its a stain, so just shrug it off, and you'll find yourself happier.

actually, i think everyone is a fighter.

no matter how old you are, how mature you are, there're bound to have obstacles that stand in our way.

yet we continue to live with it, we chose to live it.

be it family issues, career troubles or relationship problems

we are all facing questions, complications...

so bravo everyone!

in the midst of pain, remember, the rough patch we're going through now brings out a new, better us!

-xiuyun!

so when life makes you breathless

look at everyone

and find strength, faith and hope from the world.

2011-11-11T22:15:00.001+08:00

last time, when i was still in primary school, i read this chinese novel.

and as i read the books (its a series), i became more interested in it, and really wanted to watch it.
(cos its a drama too)

however, at that time, hongkong dramas are not easily found online.
finally, these days, i got to watch it.

it's not exactly awesome.
and i cant really pinpoint what about the show that attracted me so much, but after finish watching this drama, there is this lingering impact upon me...
like, i hoped it would not end.
:/

or maybe, several years had passed since i first read the book, so the feeling this drama gives me is rather unusual...

just now, i was really tempted to purchase the drama online.
But it costs 49bucks.
sigh.

so, now i wanna buy the books :D
haha.
but dont know if we can purchase them in singapore :/

seehow, seehow.

-xiuyun
childhood memories stays in my mind
hope to touch it, as i hold on to something tangible.
but dont know if i should.

2011-11-10T21:23:00.001+08:00

This book is beautiful
' message in a bottle' nicholas sparks

Reading it right now, and I plan to finish it tonight.
A sweet guy worth finding. (:

I read this phrase and I think its something which I think describes an experience we all have, or will have
--- ''torn between the beauty of his memories and the pain of remembering'' ---

As many sweet, wonderful, joyful memories can create a beautiful novel that belongs to one alone, between these episodes of life, there are bits which one will choose to ignore

For myself, I am still learning how to truly face my fears and tears
For all i know, that day may never come...

Those times really brought me confidence, consolation and encouragement.
Besides it was what an insecure teenager really need then

Right now...
I don't know if I will forget this and all.
I don't know if there are more miracles than I imagined
I don't know if there are really happiness in life

But I think I need more happy coincidences
Cos faith seems to be a slippery friend.

-xiuyun

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2011-11-05T09:11:00.001+08:00

In this world, we wish for a confidate, who understands your thoughts, your emotions, your point of view.

how i wish i have someone who shares my idealogies.

-xiuyun ):

misunderstood, inablity to comprehend,

even as we speak the language, nothing is transmitted

2011-10-28T13:27:00.001+08:00

Pw just now

Again, many thoughts whirled.
Many realizations, I could say.

Despite it being just a casual remark, trying to correct me, I am easily hurt.
Maybe, I am a weakling.
Maybe, I am emotional.
Maybe, I cant take any words that sound like a reprimand.

Anyhow, I think I should start changing.

This trait has been with me for years.
Since young, I don't like being corrected.
and I am easily affected.

Maybe my immune system needs some work.
So that I can easily accept any lectures that come my way

-xiuyun!
Ought to turn over a new leaf

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2011-10-28T13:22:00.001+08:00

The raining is pouring, and I stand, by the windows, trying to type some extraordinary post. LOL.

On the train...
Many whispers
Many conversations
Many relationship webs

And here I am, leaning against a wall,
Still trying to figure life webs,
Still struggling to build social cohesion,
Still finding a balance between my priorities and peace

-xiuyun
A weak attempt? Hehe

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2011-10-27T21:55:00.003+08:00

Anyway,
a little recap of what i've watched so far.
:D

新还珠格格

潛行狙擊

对我说谎试试

紫禁驚雷

點解阿Sir係阿Sir

步步惊心

among all these, the ones in blue are the ones that i prefer more than the rest.

1st drama: innovative, funny, romantice
2nd drama: a bit of thrill, but as i have watched several policemen shows, so okay okay only, but quite a nice insight into the department of getting info in police
3rd drama: funny, romantic! its nice until like 14 i think. the end a bit draggy.
4th drama: though in between got redundant parts, but overall the web of story is well developed and really filled with twists and turns, so made me like it :D
5th drama: this drama really wins with the pack of students in the show, with a funny male lead as undercover policeman. but overall plot, so-so.
6th drama: weird transition of romance of the female lead. the winning point: the friendship btw the female lead and the princes.

-xiuyun!(:

2011-10-27T21:38:00.000+08:00

i miss the days when i was still a kid,
unsure of every step, yet unafraid to tumble and fall.
unsure of every one, yet willing to believe in them.

there is courage, faith, happiness, curiosity, passion.
and it depletes in me, as time ticks.

i think i am still willing to believe in people.
i think i will still ask myself to try despite failures.
i think i will still try and believe in miracles, and continue that passion towards life.

but one thing has changed, not matter how brave i wished i could be,
i am afraid of falls.
the wound is so deep that i thought it din exist, and... i was wrong to assume so.
the wound had also taken away much of my willingness to press on.

i start to neglect life.
i turn to dramas

i hope to see more happy stuff
i hope to escape into the enthralls of fiction

but now, its useless.

despite my attempts,
my name wouldnt change
i cant travel back in time.

reality still hits me hard, like it never left me before.

-xiuyun!
hence, i decided to spend my holidays doing things i like.
and not use drama as an excuse to close my eyes from this world.

2011-10-27T21:26:00.001+08:00

- xiuyun!(:

MY FAMILY OF 4

AND THE 4 LETTER WORD FOR US IS...

L O V E

HEHE

2011-10-27T21:25:00.001+08:00

these few weeks = SCHOOL, ie. PW, CCA, see ahma at angmokio, dinner with parents(L), family vacation stuff, met up with mr imran/4H, met my part B(: , and a lot of dramas!
oh, i read too!

haha, pretty boring and i think i am really wasting my time.

SO YEAP.

i have to change!

anyway, digress abit.
:D

was kinda tuning back to my old favorites just now.
Looked up on many types of drawings of my favorite cartoon characters.
Seeing them really brought me joy!
hahaha.

will post it later^^

and these few weeks, things din go exactly as what i had planned.
not all the time, but some times.
like, i wanted to stay at home to slack, end up?
my parents brought me out.
like, i wanted to meet my sis and stuff,
i went to do ncc stuff.

haha.

oh ya, speaking of ncc,
the thoughts of being CLT came back.
have i regretted not joining SSC in 2010, hence resulting in not being able to join COC?
yea, i did.
sometimes, i thought about it, and i am like, why din the exemption thing come out earlier?
sigh.

but, on second thoughts,
will i be able to devote my time? like how pj they all could go for the ncc courses and all.
i dont know.
i am not a very smart person.
i cannot attain good grades by just studying the set of notes once.
i need to constant revision.

and ultimately, my conclusion will be, i have given it my all in my 4 years of NCC life, as a cadet, as a specialist.
even if i looked back, i have no more regrets.
so, i will end up wishing the unit, all the cadets, specialists, CLTS, and teachers the best of everything.
and, may RVNCC continue to shine.

-xiuyun!
thoughts here and there.

2011-10-26T17:00:00.001+08:00

Watching videos and taking a bus ride that is an hour or so long are both, a waste of tome.
And time is on my side now, I can afford to waste it away, but maybe its just a matter of taste and preference.
I just could use my time on bus rides like this.
Sigh.

I know I should stop indulging in impractical shows, but I don't want to be serious towards life anymore.
Anyhow, anyway, I might be happier.

Why should I deny myself of happiness when I had done my part as a student already?

Besides, it did not reciprocate.

such a big world, sometimes I really wonder where do I stand in the midst of everyone else?

Last time, I can still find a bit of significance, a bit of worth.
And now?

-xiuyun
I don't know...

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2011-10-26T16:50:00.001+08:00

We need a few words of encouragement sometimes
We need to feel a little bit of warmth sometimes
We need to have some cheesy moments sometimes

That way life can be sweet.
Even when storms take us by surprise, we can still manage a smile.

This year has been fast-paced.
I worked hard, whether correctly or not, I don't know, but at least, I think I have given it my best shot

Yes, life indeed had not treated me properly in some ways
But I forgive easily.
What else can I say?
That paper of numbers, I cannot amend a thing.

And now, I decided, to give myself a little break.
Perhaps I have neglected too much of reality, and I am in the wrong, but am I wrong trying to find the passion which I once had in life?

Life left me battered.
My battery needs to be charged.
I know, only by staying upbeat can we then achieve good grades and go to a faculty of our choice in university.
However, in this painful path of inflexible education, I lost the courage to pursue my own dreams, my own freedom, to enjoy my favourite pastime.

Why oh then why cant I enjoy these few weeks of heaven?

Undeniably, I am already brainwashed.
I know I have to get good grades.
So when the time comes, I will work hard.
But right now, I need no strings attached.

Let me be a free kite.
-xiuyun

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2011-10-13T14:02:00.001+08:00

Sigh
What went wrong?
Sometimes, we cannot find any answers...

-xiuyun):
Expected mood
Expected ending

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2011-10-10T16:20:00.001+08:00

Though we have parted our ways
Leaving behind traces of awkward silence
I hope that things will turn out fine for you

-xiuyun
Jiayou.

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2011-10-05T08:27:00.001+08:00

Sigh
Why must life torment us like this?
Cant they see the efforts that we have put in?
What a competitive, results-oriented place we all live in!

Sigh
How I wish I can alleviate their pain...
They don't deserve all these
Knowledge is vast
Are these questions a measure of one's capability?
I think not.

There are always limitations and usefulness in econs policies
There are always two point of views in history essays
There are many complications in applied science and math

So how can these results mean anything?
Its just a guide.

-xiuyun
Sigh.

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2011-10-05T01:33:00.001+08:00

In life, we have to accept unfairness with regards to our occupation, accept unfair accusations and swallow my say in our family to maintain peace.

-xiuyun

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2011-10-05T01:28:00.001+08:00

Yes, I am wrong to use the computer until late into the night.
But how in the hell am I supposed to know that on the other side, another computer is still on?

Its already 1pm!!!

Besides, these days, we go to school and attend lessons, there isn't much tests.
Why cant I watch my drama, and let me escape from reality?

-xiuyun
I am not entirely right, but I am not entirely wrong.
I hate being misunderstood and u will defend myself ferociously.

In the end?
You don't see my logic and merely used yours to dictate.
How fair is this?!

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2011-10-04T18:24:00.001+08:00

There are two schools of thoughts here today

After getting such lousy results, and advice from teachers,
I cant help but find myself inferior to others.
Is working hard really going to bring me results?
I have tried so hard, again and again
One fall after another, I picked myself up, restored my confidence, pieced my shattered heart back together.
But reality is cruel
My hard work did not pay off
How much I wish to hate those who did not work hard and yet achieved better grades!
Yet I cant.
They are smart and they were out-performed me, what can I say?
Sigh, as such thoughts began to form in my mind, I began to hesitate to work hard
It makes no difference anyway, whether I put in the effort or not.
That's one school of thought.

On the flip side, I know I should, and have to continue to believe in myself.
JC life is not only about who is the fittest, but who has the most endurance.
Between a pass and fail, a D and C, a C and B, or even a B and A, its really a thin line that separates these grades apart.
Just a few more marks, and it makes a great difference.
So our capabilities are not miles apart.
Therefore, I should not give up and let my doubts hinder me from progressing.
It is the last thing I should do.
So I should just take this as a learning experience. With more mistakes, more learning points, I can then improve more.
This is another school of thought...

-xiuyun
I know what to do.
But...
This is a painful process, to continue to believe in myself...

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2011-10-03T23:47:00.003+08:00

the cycle of life repeats
when it gets boring
spend more time with your love ones, to find the joy of life
put in more effort in your work, to find the satisfaction of your own
last but not least,
pick up something new, to continue to be enthralled by what life can bring
that way, can your life become worthwhile.

- xiuyun!(:
i must live my LIFE!

2011-10-03T18:03:00.001+08:00

I cant say how much strength had been taken away from me right now
And knowing myself
I wont rest until victory is achieved, I will continue this fight someday

But right now, I am battered
Shattered heart, broken soul, diminished strength
I need time to rejuvenate

-xiuyun
Smiling for those who care for me.
Thanks (L)

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2011-10-03T18:01:00.001+08:00

On the bright side
Maybe I learnt the laws of life

Do less
Expect less
Gain more

-xiuyun

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2011-10-03T17:57:00.001+08:00

Like manufacturing process,
I made sure that the ingredients, manpower and machines are well-prepared

Thinking that it will be fine, thinking that it will be alright, I let my expectations rise.

However...

Somewhere, the screw gone loose, and the products were horrendous.

-xiuyun
Speechless.

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2011-10-03T17:39:00.001+08:00

Please don't discuss about my wound
The process of running carefully, in fear of a fall, I was giving it my all.
So don't speak of the source of my pain

I know many quotes
I know many motivational stories
I know what I ought to start doing

So don't persuade or encourage
On my own, I will be fine.

Just, let me run about blind folded first and ignore all that had happened.

When I am feeling alright, I will face the music myself.

-xiuyun
I need, inner peace.

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2011-10-03T15:03:00.001+08:00

I blocked out my tears by leading myself away from the archives of pain
I continued to smile by telling myself that grades are just one part of my life

Once the lesson starts
Once my version of truth began to fall apart
Moments of anguish came back
Red, sore eyes was reflected in the mirror

-xiuyun!
Awaits the day, when my happiness can depend on something else.
Sigh.

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2011-09-29T19:56:00.005+08:00

望著你悠悠的眼眸看透了你的寂寞
没有言语没有捉摸只剩眼泪和沉默
想著你默默的唤你以为潇洒就可以

点点滴滴都是回忆挥挥衣袖怎麼容易
空气凝结在你的距离转身留下漂泊的背影

苍茫的天空苍茫的你何时才能终结这分离
风雨里细诉海枯石烂花开花落都震动心弦
怎能忘记那句句誓言怎能忘记那深切许盼

蓦然回首天涯望断你是我最沧桑的浪漫
想著你默默的唤你以为潇洒就可以
点点滴滴都是回忆挥挥衣袖怎麼容易
空气凝结在你的距离转身留下漂泊的背影

苍茫的天空苍茫的你飞跃在我眼前和心底
风雨里细诉海枯石烂花开花落都震动心弦
怎能忘记那句句誓言怎能忘记那深切许盼

蓦然回首天涯望断你是我最沧桑的浪漫
风雨里细诉海枯石烂花开花落都震动心弦
怎能忘记那句句誓言怎能忘记那山前水畔

蓦然回首天涯望断你是我最沧桑的浪漫

-xiuyun!(:
沧桑的浪漫

2011-09-29T19:54:00.001+08:00

一见钟情，你已占据我的心，　　
不由自主，从此相伴一路行，　　
时而狂欢，只因你的低低笑，　　
时而悲哀，只因你的泪盈盈。　　
谢天谢地，人海茫茫能相逢，　　
难舍难分，多少柔情深深种，　　
花海草原，携手策马留行踪，　　
千言万语，耳边句句在飘送。　　
面对着你，生命变的多美丽，　　
拥有着你，相依相偎多甜蜜，　　
失去了你，山山水水都多余，　　
失去了你，日升日落无意义。　　
一见钟情，注定你是我的爱，　　
情深似海，只想把你抱满怀，　　
爱到心碎，难道你还不明白，　　
今生今世，怎忍和你再分开。

-xiuyun!
一见钟情 LOVE - the best feeling we will ever know.

2011-09-29T19:52:00.000+08:00

相爱是为了彼此守护
不该让你我憔悴　
我知道我并不高贵
但是我绝不卑微　
要不是我们紧紧相随
离别让你我心碎　

我知道我并不高贵
但是我绝不卑微　
我知道人生没有十全十美　
相聚过欢笑过甜蜜过流浪过　
点点滴滴将在我心底辗转徘徊　
带著笑带著泪没有后悔　

只想问一句天大地大
人儿何处归　

聚散变成选择题
为何我们必须面对　
东西南北人儿何处归　
如果你一直不回
我也会潇洒的面对　
像潮水人儿何处归　

-xiuyun!(:
人儿何处归?
:(

2011-09-27T17:35:00.001+08:00

Happiness deserve to be replayed.
Even when our smiles yearn for better miracles, remember the little tales we have created.

Tears are part and parcel of our lives.
Don't let the storm erase the joy within you.
Life is made up many people and many events.
The needle pricks, and it will soon be something of the past.

- xiuyun!(;
If I allow the bitter memories to follow, I have given myself up to the monster of sorrow.

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2011-09-24T23:26:00.001+08:00

My congratulations
My blessings
My wishes
My hopes

24th sept 2011
May happiness continue to embrace your lives
May marriage brings you even more reasons to smile
May your love last forever

-xiuyun!(:
From the bottom of my heart
I send my best wishes
To my sister.

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